kissingrose.blogspot.com

you know what they say about love right? it's humankind's only saving grace. if this is of absolute truth, then pain is mockery. you know what a state of numb is? no, not calmness, not unbearable pain throbbing within, and most definitely not the aftermath of a lesson unlearned; it's this: riding the bus and missing your stop, walking into poles because you're crying, forget that your hand is dirty and touch your face anyway, and so much dazed that even when a dirty girl sweeps her long hair onto your arm, you don't shriek in frustration. something like that. the only thing i want to do is be with you but i'm too weak to. i've tried beyond my means and you've probably tried harder than i have but i've overestimated myself and i really only want to be with you. this is the only time i am making this decision and as much as it cuts me up inside, i'll abide by it because i know you're made for better things and because i am selfish and don't wish to be frustrated any longer. if you must know, and even if you don't i'll tell you anyway, the issue was never about acceptance. i love you because you're smart, funny, extremely patient with me, adorably rude and even your sarcasm gives me a bolt of warmth but i am selfish, (fat and ugly), very stubborn and stupid enough to think i was ever good enough for you. if we are able to eliminate love from our lives, maybe, i don't know, maybe something, maybe nothing, but i'll set out to do that as at this lowest point in my life, i can't find a single person to talk to and this just tells me that i probably should remove any form of attachment or dependency i have developed on people because honestly, you were the only person who ever listened to me when i talked and i still hope you will but hopefulness is foolish and so is love. love itself is mockery as it reminds you of how alone you were in the very beginning and will end up that way. this said, i think couples who grow old together are probably the only people who understand true love and although i've never seen it in this light, i'll probably die young anyway so if at this lowest point in my life i can't find a single person who'll listen to me talk, i think it's best if i die young.


Sad, but true.